Adventures of a Coach 11 - Magic of a Mentor

I've been listening to this term of "mentor", consistently, for quite some time now.

Who is a mentor?

What is a mentor?

Am I a mentor?

Can I be a mentor?

What's the difference between a coach and a mentor?

Can they be same?

Phhhheeeewwwww!

These and many more.... I came across the image below, which very neatly encapsulates my own beliefs (to a very large extent)... the WHYs and the WHEREFOREs of this abstract concept called "mentoring"! Perspectives and the thought of "we see things as we are, not as they are" has proved itself to me, over and over, time and again. It's like as if it has presented itself in HD clarity to reinforce my belief system.

4_Mentoring.jpg

Coming back to the thought of MENTORING & how I interpret it... Read on...

  1. The Beginning: 
    Know the "level" of your young warrior who you are about to train! Perhaps you see some potential that may be, can be developed. However, THAT is the goal... But is "that" the level at which you begin honing the skills your mentee or work upwards with the skills the mentee already possesses?
  2. The Journey
    • MENTORING is an honor - for both the Mentor and the Mentee.
    • Its a learning partnership - One might assume that one is the giver and the other is the receiver of what is given. However, the giver and receiver roles keep swapping as the Mentor and Mentee progress in the journey, together.
    • Its a journey of a collective discovery - Exploring and testing the comfort zone, the capacity, the skills and finding out newer arenas .... newer facets of the same warrior!
    • Its a practice - Focussed listening, meaningful reflection, and sincere interest of communication & concern - from both is needed!
       
    • "Mentoring" is ALWAYS a 2-way path ~Harsh
       
  3. The Goal: Be a better you!

QUALITIES & SKILLS of a mentor

Qualities are inherent. 
Skills are gained or acquired.

At the same time, both can overlap. Your acquired skills may eventually become your qualities or your inherent qualities may become your skills... Either way be sure to use quality skills skillfully!

I believe A Mentor is someone who lets you glow. I look for the following qualities in a mentor:

  • Honest
  • Authentic
  • Listener
  • Observant

Basically, s/he helps you shine bright like a - H.A.L.O surrounding your enlightened glow!

halo smiley.png

h.a.l.o.

 

Do you agree with the thoughts?

What is your mentor like?

What is your mentee like?

Is there something that you tried which is completely different from what is shared here...

Please do let us know!

Your Communication Mentor

~Harsh ;)

Adventures of a Coach 10 - What a story!! #Goosebumps

Wow! What a read! Gave me goosebumps....! Please do read till the very end! Do comment like or share what you felt about the story?


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It was 6:30 in the evening and I had just picked up my son from daycare. By the time I reached home, it was 7. Traffic was too bad. As I opened my bag to take the keys out, I realized that that keys were not there…I had forgotten to take the keys! “Oh God”, I grumbled, feeling angry at myself. “What should we do now?” I asked my son. He readily provided a solution, “let’s wait at Rhia aunty’s house”. Not a bad option, I thought to myself, Rhia is a good friend of mine. My son and Rhia’s son Samar were of the same age and loved to play together.

So I took my phone out, and called up my husband, “Hey I forgot the keys! Will wait at Rhia’s place, can you please get some dinner packed? It will be too late to cook by the time you will reach…”. I heard an “OK” on the other side and ringed Rhia’s doorbell.

She opened the door, “Hey…”, and she smiled at my son. “Hey I forgot my keys today”, I said. “Please come…I will just be back”, she replied. My son was already inside and had made himself comfortable on the couch. I smiled at him and took a place next to him. His eyes were searching for Samar. As Rhia came out of the room, my son asked, “Can I play with Samar? Where is he?”

She said, “Sorry beta, you can’t play with him today, he has been a bad boy the entire day and I have punished him, he is doing his homework and then he has to eat his dinner”. My son was obviously sad, and I tried to console him, “its OK, play some other time, homework needs to be finished first otherwise he will not get a star tomorrow”. My son sat quietly, thinking what to do next.Samar peeped out from the room and Rhia shouted, “No Samar, you are not coming out, otherwise you know what’s going to happen”. Samar was too excited to see his friend and came out running, Rhia held his hand and stopped him a few feet away…”what did I tell you? Can’t you hear?” she yelled. Samar shivered and so did my son.

She was definitely not in her best mood today and I felt bad for being there. My son stared at me sadly.She took Samar inside again, and he kept saying, “mamma please, I will be a good boy, let me play only for 5 minutes” but she just wouldn’t listen. I asked her, “What happened? Bad day?” She spoke venting out all her frustration, “This child, wouldn’t do anything as I want him to, he takes hours to do everything. I couldn’t sleep properly last night and from morning he is showing tantrums, he doesn’t want to get ready for school, he wouldn’t have his breakfast, I also got late for office because of him. It was such a hectic day, and now he wouldn’t finish his homework. Then I have to feed him and he will take hours to do that as well and then he wouldn’t sleep on time. I am so tired and fed up of him”.

I thought, “which kid or even a grown up does things as their parents want them to? We only listen but in the end we do it our own way. Grownups understand the urgency but kids don’t. On normal days when Rhia is in good mood and not so tired, she laughs at same actions of Samar. But today, the stress was making her think that her son is the worst kid of all”.Samar finished his homework and came out, and climbed on to Rhia’s lap, “mamma please be happy, I finished my homework, please mamma be happy. Don’t be sad”. He kissed her on her cheeks and forehead. “Oh he is so sad to see his mamma so upset” I thought. But Rhia said, “No, I will not be happy, you have to show me that you are good boy and only then I will be happy”.

Samar was in tears and Rhia shouted again, “now don’t cry, or else you are going out”. Her words made him cry even louder. Rhia held her head in her hands, then looked at Samar, tightly held his hand and pushed him out into the dark balcony. He tried hard to pull out from her grip, and kept shouting, “No mamma please, no mamma, I will be good, please mamma.” But she was not listening. She pushed him out and locked the door. He kept yelling and crying, and she kept yelling, “stop crying and I will let you inside”, but he was too scared to listen to her, “mamma, it’s too dark, please open the door”. But she didn’t budge.I stared at her, many a times Rhia had told me that she has a rule of not hitting Samar like in many other households where parents’ slap their kids for every mistake. Rhia used to say, hitting or slapping doesn’t help at all, it’s the parents’ frustration that causes them to hit their kids and is not justified at all. But is pushing your son out, in the balcony, justified? It was worse than slapping.

Even though the balcony was covered and safe, she was instilling the fear of darkness in her son. Later on, she will complain that her son is scared of dark. Is threatening your kid and making him do things in your own way, justified? I looked at my son and could feel how nervous he was. Yelling soon turned into sobbing and then into murmuring, “please mamma please”. I tried to calm Rhia down and she finally unlocked the door. Samar came in running and hugged her tight. He was in a state of shock. Rhia sat down with him in her lap, and said, “Now you know what happens when you are a bad boy. If you want mamma to be happy, you need to be good and listen to what I tell you, you need to do your things on time…” and she went on.I could clearly see that Samar was not listening. He was just hugging Rhia tightly, he wanted to be close to her. As the doorbell rang, I opened the door and saw my husband, my son ran to him. And I said bye to Rhia.

I was still thinking, “Does yelling at kids help? Or does it make them too adamant? From what I have observed, when kids cry, it’s impossible to explain your logic to them, their brains are shut off. Only message that they get while crying is that my mom or dad scolded me. Moreover every kid is different, we can’t expect them to be fast and punctual all the time. And most of the times, it’s not the kids fault, it’s our stress level that makes us do what we do to our kids. Just notice this someday when you are really mad at your kid, your kid will do things at his own usual pace, but still it will trigger the bad mommy and daddy in you because YOU are having a headache or YOU had a bad day at office, or YOU are tired.

Same behaviour of your kid on YOUR good days doesn’t change you into a bad mommy and daddy, right? As parents we find our kids as easy targets to vent out our frustration because we can’t do that to our spouse, or parents, or grown-ups in general, because we will have to face the consequences. With kids, it seems easy!

”Discipline is important but too much scolding and yelling is surely not the right way to discipline your kid.Well, it was not of the best days but I had a great learning. As we finished dinner and finally lied down on the bed to get some sleep, I looked at Samar, kissed him on his forehead, he murmured, “Are you happy mamma”, I nodded my head, “please be happy always”.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I said to myself, “Oh Rhia, please don’t do that again”.I am not sure if I will be able to maintain my senses all the time, but I am determined to try.

P.S. Rhia is nobody but me, through this story I wanted to put in two perspectives of what goes on in a parent’s mind, at different stress levels. When you are stressed, you act like Rhia and when you are happy, you act like me in the story! In this entire story, Rhia was also thinking rationally like me, but her bad part was too strong all the time! Only later, when she finally gets some rest, she understands that she was wrong.
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Source: http://www.mycity4kids.com/parenting/should-i/article/the-day-she-pushed-her-son-out
Author - Saumya Agarwal
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Adventures of a coach 09 - FreeSpeech - A Thoughtful Language

While working with kids who have trouble speaking, Ajit Narayanan sketched out a way to think about language in pictures, to relate words and concepts in "maps." The idea now powers the FreeSpeech app, which can help nonverbal people communicate.


Why should you listen? 
Ajit Narayanan is the founder and CEO of Invention Labs, and the inventor of Avaz AAC, the first assistive device aimed at an Indian market that helps people with speech disabilities -- such as cerebral palsy, autism, intellectual disability, aphasia and learning disabilities -- to communicate. Avaz is also available as an iPad app, aimed at children with autism. In 2010, Avaz won the National Award for Empowerment of People with Disabilities from the president of India, and in 2011, Narayanan was listed in MIT Technology Review 35 under 35. Narayanan is a prolific inventor with more than 20 patent applications. He is an electrical engineer with degrees from IIT Madras. His research interests are embedded systems, signal processing and understanding how the brain perceives language and communication.

Adventures of a Coach 08 - Story Telling Techniques from Disney

2,000,000+ Views! Andrew Stanton's Story Telling Techniques From DISNEY's Own House!



http://www.ted.com Filmmaker Andrew Stanton ("Toy Story," "WALL-E") shares what he knows about storytelling -- starting at the end and working back to the beginning. (Contains graphic language ...) TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes

2,000,000 plus views! The best of story telling! When are you telling your story as one of the Better SPEAKERS?

Adventures of a Coach 06 - An epiphany

I've read quite often, and I'm sure you would have come across this too...




BUT here's  a thought for you to ponder on ....
The true magic & the art of public speaking lies with
making the 1 and the 1000 feel like
they are the one & only one that you are speaking for

Nay?

Adventures of a Coach 04 - A Case of a Curious Counselling


Date: 14 October 2016

Loving the life chosen: ChangeWork The power to transform lives. The power to give hope.
So there was this person who out of the blue had sought tips/techniques based on self-diagnosis for helping with a certain type of communication challenge with a specific person in his professional domain. At that moment it seemed wise to simply answer his question knowing full well that it may not be as effective as when I get the opportunity to analyse the situation and state of mind of the person himself. Nevertheless, dosage given, and as I'd thought didn't hear back from him... until almost 100 days later (3 days ago)... Curious, I asked tentatively - "So what happened then, any progress? He said - ":-)
Nice of you to remember it after all the days gone by.... Haven't seen progress in that area, looks like it will take more work :-)"
"Well Let's meet" I said. He agreed. We met. We spoke. For about 2 hours or so. Armed with NLP and a simple thought to help, I worked on him, for him, subtly. In order to elicit the response from within him and understand his state of mind... Even as our meeting ended on a positive note, with his remark on my youthful (ahem ahem) looks, & it not being in congruence with my higher-wisdom (huh?? LOL) ... BUT to finally receive that whatsapp message from a person who was contemplating his suicidal tendencies not so long ago.... well... it feels quite wonderful indeed!! 🙏😇

Adventures of a Coach 01 - A Strange strange call!

Date 14 September 2016
Strangest unexpected call ever!!
Now I know I'm a young "coach". I KNOW ok!
I was asked for help to overcome panic attacks and fatalistic depressing thoughts?!
Especially when the person speaks well puts it across eloquently! Seems to have no issue in expressing his concerns, is capable of gathering knowledge and resources to solve the trouble himself...
For 78 non-stop minutes I only listened, attuned acutely to this person.
My mind be like ---> #BasKarPaglayAbRulayegaKya
But it didn't feel right.
So profit to me - INR 0.00/- rupees
Experience gained - #Priceless!
ps: For the first time applied use of music therapy, on call, to help someone understand themselves! :P

But to be able to help someone overcome suicidal tendencies?! 
@_@ Me? Huh... I could've never dreamed of doing that.
That's a little beyond it being a bit of a challenge ---> I'm thinking to myself---> :O How can someone depend on me to solve their problem entrenched so deep in their mind and heart?!! ... umm...... Can I do this?
But then I did what I do best, I listened.
Conclusion - sometimes all we need and we crave for is someone who would just listen to us... not judge us... not advise us... JUST listen... It's like. You Know. seeking desperately for a verbal embrace!
78 minutes later...His words at the end of the call - "THANK YOU Sir, you have completely changed my thinking. Now I will go celebrate Eid with my Parents, they've been sad since yesterday, because I was depressed. I believe I can solve my problems with confidence now. Have a good day."
:')
I could've made any amount of money for doing what I did. 
#MusicTherapy #PowerOfWords #BeKind
Lesson learnt - You never know when your words might change someone's life. Choose them wisely.